What happens in Jane Eyre

Jezebel is ready to help those who claim to have read classic novels but really haven't by summarising a few such as Jane Eyre.

"Jane Eyre" is a novel by Charlotte Brontë, one of the famous Brontë sisters, many of whom were writers and all of whom lived long and prosperous lives that were free from tragedy. The book is about a girl named Jane and, boy, is Jane a good name for her because she is plaaaaaaain. Like plain as a cardboard box, which I guess is a good thing because her plainness represents all of the virtues of England or some shit.
Jane loves two things. Taking walks outside — even though there are many days with no possibility of taking a walk — and this man named Mr. Rochester who once took a lady from the West Indies, married her and then locked her in the attic because she went crazy. I'm talking totally nutso, man. But Jane loves Rochester anyway because he's quite mean and you know how ladies love assholes. (High five, bro.)
Time passes and eventually the crazy wife burns Rochester's house down and also burns off Rochester's hand and probably some other parts of his body, too. Anyway, he's real gross after that, but Jane still loves him and he loves her back because she will not treat him differently and will still let him be horrible to her even though he's ugly now and locked his last wife in an attic.
Some other stuff happens to, but I don't have time to be specific about it because my phone is ringing and I have to go do my taxes, but trust me — I know what happens. (Madeleine Davies)

For students who really should read the books, Times Free Press has truly valuable advice, something students haven't even considered before:

5 Need a book? Read one online. Some teachers still require that research papers include information from multiple sources, including physical books. Unless an instructor insists on it, however, that's no reason to make a last-minute drive to the library. Millions of books, periodicals and other documents have been uploaded, in full, to free online libraries such as Google Books, The Gutenberg Project and Haithi Trust.
Example: Need to check one of Heathcliff's lines of dialog in Emily Brontë's "Wuthering Heights"? Just search the text of the book at The Internet Archive (Archive.org). (Casey Phillips)

The Telegraph discusses coursework oblivious to the advice above:

Parents too can feel under pressure to help. They know what’s at stake – how can they resist? This, of course, favours pupils from better educated, middle-class homes, where ‘Jane Eyre’ and ‘Mansfield Park’ sit proudly on the shelves. (Boarding School Beak)

The Basingstoke Gazette carries the story of a local building, the Deane Gate Inn:

Permission has been sought to transform a vacant pub into an Indian restaurant.
An application has been submitted to Basingstoke and Deane Borough Council asking to convert the Deane Gate Inn on the B3400, right.
The applicant, FMR, based in Winchester, has asked to convert the former pub, which was originally a coaching house and has recorded historical associations with Jane Eyre, by erecting single and two-storey extensions.
The rear extension would be demolished, the roof replaced, chimney removed and a mezzanine floor created. (Emily Roberts)

We are quite intrigued by the connection.

Mendoza Online (Argentina) sort of re-imagines Brontë history:

En la historia se quedará ya como algo inédito, imágenes como la de la inglesa Charlotte Brönte [sic] (1816-1855) escondiendo el manuscrito de Jane Eyre para ponerse a la tarea de pelar papas y, como ella, sus hermanas Emily (1818-1849) y Anne (1820-1849), tuvieron que esconderse bajo seudónimos masculinos. (Translation)

The Troy Record has a few random events from 1848:

In July 1848, a few months before Zachary Taylor was elected president and Emily Brontë died...during the Seneca Falls convention about women’s rights...and five months after the end of the Mexican-America War, a poster announcing wonderful news was posted in and around the Capital District.
“FARE REDUCED!” screamed a headline on the poster. “NEW ARRANGEMENT FOR PASSENGERS GOING EAST.” (James Breig)

While The Huffington Post's Thought for Today is

"Better to be without logic than without feeling." – Charlotte Brontë (BRAWN'-tee), English author (1816-1855).

Advice on pets from the Babylon Beacon:

What if you prefer frosted locks? Try pert and petite “Yorkshire Yearning” to drift back to the Wuthering Heights moors of Catherine and Heathcliff. (Joanne Andersen)

Another picture from the recent visit from some members of the Japanese Brontë Society on the Brontë Parsonage Facebook page. Feed Me Books Now recommends reading Wuthering Heights.