Lucy ventures out at night not once but twice. The first time, her students have gone home for vacation, and for weeks, she has been living nearly alone at the private school where she teaches. Depressed, sick, suffering alternately from insomnia and nightmares, Lucy yields to a compulsion to go out: “One evening—and I was not delirious; I was in my sane mind, I got up—I dressed myself, weak and shaking. The solitude and the stillness of the long dormitory could not be borne any longer” (Brontë I: 231). In her wanderings, Lucy, a devout Protestant, comes upon a Catholic church and asks a priest to hear her confession. He kindly refuses, and after leaving the church, Lucy collapses in a storm, leading to a transformative break in the narrative. Like some of Edgar Allan Poe’s characters, Lucy uses a word, “delirious,” to characterize a mental state she denies having. As she heads out into the wind and rain, she says in a parenthetical aside, “I could not be delirious, for I had sense and recollection to put on warm clothing” (Brontë I: 232). Her repeated denials suggest that sick, sleep-deprived, wet, cold, starved Lucy really is delirious.
The second time that Lucy wanders into Villette at night, she is on drugs. In the nightmare that preceded the first episode, she feels herself forced to drink a bitter draught; in the second episode, the nightmare comes true when a servant sent by the headmistress gives Lucy a drink to make her sleep—except that it doesn’t work. “Instead of stupor, came excitement,” Lucy tells readers. “I became alive to new thought—to reverie peculiar in coloring. A gathering call ran among the faculties, their bugles sang, their trumpets rang an untimely summons” (Brontë II: 305). Lucy rises, sneaks out of school, and walks to the city center, where she finds that “Villette is one blaze, one broad illumination; the whole world seems abroad; moonlight and heaven are banished; the town, by her own flambeaux, beholds her own splendor … It is a strange scene, stranger than dreams” (Brontë II: 309). “Delirium” fits Lucy’s mental state better in this second night adventure, since she feels overexcited. Her episodes of night wandering relate to each other like yin and yang; the first dark and depressed, the second bright and energetic. Lucy’s two bouts of night-wandering share a quality that brought them to mind when I tried to describe my COVID-19 state. On both occasions, Lucy comes across as a ghost wandering a world in which she seems to have no place.
Last February, in about the same shape as Lucy, I thought that movement and fresh air would do me good.
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