Unless Charlotte Brontë made it spooky

McSweeney's made us laugh today with this piece:

Spilling wine onto the latest barge of essays I was marking for my fifth graders on Friday night, I had a revelation. It’s time that I quit this teaching bullshit and become a governess for the children of a wealthy landed estate owner instead.
As my dreams of becoming a teacher were wholly inspired by the likes of Jane Eyre, I don’t know why it took me so long to realize my true calling. Somewhere along the way of my early career, my fantasies of overseeing one beautifully docile “seen not heard” Victorian child with Mr. Rochester pining from a distance, became me pining at the world outside the window of a public school, with 11-year-old boys interlacing swearing with conversations on vaping and Fortnite over their multiplication sheets. Hello, earlier, ambitious self — what happened?!
Therefore, instead of pulling night shifts on the paper-grading-grind, being bogged down with PTA meetings, arguing with parents over best practices for behaviour management, getting sick every month by touching the same door handles of 300+ virulent children, and thwarting yet another round of “the penis game,” I, much like Jane leaving Lowood, am packing up my bags for greener (and rainier) pastures.
Moving forward, my curriculum will include many reflective nature walks, leaf pressing, sewing, painting, cultivating table-manners, embroidery, arithmetic, reading in front of a fireplace, and other pleasant activities suitable for encouraging a quiet child that in no way has ever figured prominently in any novel premised on a governess.
If Jane can do it, so can I, and indeed, like Jane, I’ll be spending the majority of my time performing low-key emotional labor for my physically and monetarily well-endowed, depressed landlord, and accidentally — for no-economically-motivated-reason-whatsoever — making him fall in love with me. (Continue reading) (Keah Hansen)

iNews wonders why 'female authors [are] rewriting the classics' in the light of the publication of Lisa Gabriele's The Winters and Sarra Manning's The Rise and Fall of Becky Sharpe.

“You can argue that Rebecca itself looks back to Jane Eyre which really looks back to Beauty and The Beast,” [Sarra Manning] says. “The Winters might be a retelling of Rebecca but it’s also got bits of The Great Gatsby and modern horror such as Amityville and Carrie in it as well as, I hope, something of its own.” (Sarah Hughes)

The New York Times' By the Book features actress and writer Ellie Kemper.

You’re organizing a literary dinner party. Which three writers, dead or alive, do you invite? Jane Austen, Edith Wharton and Charlotte Brontë. All the ladies in the house! Well, think of how lovely that dinner party would be! Unless Charlotte Brontë made it spooky.

Entertainment Daily reports that 'Emmerdale fans felt "sick"' as a character poured beer on his cornflakes for breakfast.

Fans seem to love Drunk Graham, with many even finding his ruffled hair and unkempt appearance quite sexy - think Wuthering Heights' Heathcliff, not Father Ted's inebriated character Father Jack... (Helen Fear)

Craven Herald & Pioneer suggests a walk around Haworth from a non-Brontë point of view.

This walk, rather than tracing the history of the Brontës, explores the village and nearby lands of Haworth which provided the setting for the Railway Children film in 1970.
Start the walk in the centre of Haworth. Nearby is the Brontë Parsonage museum and church which is worth a visit on the return. From the centre of Haworth head down the cobbled street. Opposite the Fleece pub turn left down a steep lane heading towards Haworth rail station. Cross the main road but after 200 metres turn left before reaching the station. Turn right and then left through a gate and follow the surfaced path across Haworth Park. Turn left after a gate at the east end of the park and then right on to Mytholmes Lane. Follow the road for nearly half a mile to a garage on your right. Here go through a gate on to a footpath.
To the left there are views of Mytholmes Tunnel where the children waved red flags to stop the train and the runner Jim slipped and hurt his leg. One of the advantages of this walk in winter is that you can see all these film sets quite clearly!

Anne Brontë's former employer Joshua Ingham's piggery at Blake Hall is now something completely different as reported by Business Up North.

Following six months of hard graft, a six-figure financial investment and what feels like hundreds of hours of finishing touches, The Engine Room has moved into its new home in Mirfield – York Mills.
The former 19th century piggery – once owned by the employer of Anne Brontë – was purchased by The Engine Room’s managing director Lesley Gulliver and founder Darren Evans, in January 2017. [...]
And what was once a dark, mouldy and disused property is now a vibrant 4,000 sqft space, with the ground floor a bright, open-plan workshop environment open to local businesses.
Keen to salvage as many on-site materials as possible, scaffold boards have been re-used for the centrepiece staircase, for instance, and the old mill door is now the boardroom table. The original wooden flooring covers the entire expanse of The Engine Room’s first floor office, in which the mill’s original industrial hoist is also a key feature. (Katie Mallinson)

The Eyre Guide reviews Worlds of Ink and Shadow by Lena Coakley. Curiosities and an excerpt from the Italian book E sognai di Cime Tempestose on The Sisters' Room. Manuela Antao shares a personal review of Wuthering Heights dating from 1981. Haworth seen from an Old White Lion window and photographed by Vesna Armstrong. Tomorrow morning on ITV3:

Jane Eyre 1997
Sat 1 Dec
6:45am-9:00am