Fifty Shades of Heathcliff [Kindle Edition]
Annie Cruse, Emily Brontë
Print Length: 203 pages
Publisher: Smashwords, Inc (9 Oct 2013)
Possibly the most politically incorrect addition to the phenomenal literary-remix movement, Fifty Shades of Heathcliff is an outrageous and bawdy mash-up that romps cheekily through the pages of Wuthering Heights whilst giving an irreverent middle-finger salute to Fifty Shades of Grey.
Mr Lockwood (or Cockwood as he is mistakenly called) recounts to us the tale of his visit to the north of England in 1801.
It begins with the strange events of a night under the roof of Wuthering Heights where Cathy’s annoying ghost returns and compels the owner of the house, Heathcliff, to masturbate in front of the open window, pleading for his lost love to come back to him and sit on his cock once more.
Intrigued, Cockwood—sorry, Lockwood—returns home to his rented mansion, Thrushcock Grange, and asks Nelly Dean, his housekeeper, to tell him the story of the freak show that populates the barren moors of the remote Yorkshire countryside.
She tells him the most outrageous and depraved tale imaginable: racism, homoeroticism, voyeurism, sado-masochism, lesbianism, masturbationism, and every other ism, run rampant alongside hilarious sex scenes and ruthless, diabolical plots for revenge. Stopping just short of committing necrophilia, the deranged Heathcliff wreaks havoc across two generations of Emily Brontë’s classic work of literature, leaving behind him a trail of ruined lives, half-chewed edible underwear and a sticky, mould-like substance on the swinging contraption he had rigged up in his parlour.
Staying true to the plot and tone of the original work but written in a style that is accessible to the modern audience, nothing is sacred and everyone is up for a good shagging in this wild and riotous re-imagining of one of literature’s most notorious characters, that filthy gypsy bastard Heathcliff.
Hebden Bridge in the time of the Brontes - Photo: *hebdenbridge/photos* Steep hills with fast-flowing streams and access to major wool markets meant that Hebden Bridge was ideal for water-powered...
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