Voldemort, Cedric and Heathcliff

A (very) funny book with some weird Brontë mentions:

Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops
by Jen Campbell
Constable Publishers
Hardback
B format, 128 pp
Published 26th Mar 2012
ISBN: 9781780334837>

From the hugely popular blog, a miscellany of hilarious and peculiar bookshop moments. 'Can books conduct electricity?'
'My children are just climbing your bookshelves: that's ok... isn't it?'
A John Cleese Twitter question ['What is your pet peeve?'], first sparked the 'Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops' blog, which grew over three years into one bookseller's collection of ridiculous conversations on the shop floor. From 'Did Beatrix Potter ever write a book about dinosaurs?' to the hunt for a paperback which could forecast the next year's weather; and from 'I've forgotten my glasses, please read me the first chapter' to 'Excuse me... is this book edible?'
This full-length collection illustrated by the Brothers McLeod also includes top 'Weird Things' from bookshops around the world.

The very cover contains a Jane Eyre joke, but it is not the only Brontë one. The Wuthering Heights story is truly memorable:

Customer: Do you have a copy of Bella Swan's favourite book? You know, from Twilight?
(Bookseller sighs and apulls a copy of Wuthering Heights off the shelf)
Customer: Do you have the one with the cover that looks like Twilight?
Bookseller: No. This is an antiquarian bookshop, so this is an old edition of the book.
Customer: But it's still the one with that girl Cathy and the dangerous guy, right?
Bookseller: Yes, it's still the story by Emily Brontë.
Customer: Right. Do you think they'll make it into a film?
Bookseller: They've made several films of it. The one where Ralph Fiennes plays Heathcliff is very good.
Customer: What? Voldemort plays Heathcliff?
Bookseller: Well...
Customer: But that's Edward's role.
Bookseller: Wuthering Heights was written well before both Harry Potter and Twilight.
Customer: Yeah, but Voldemort killed Cedric, who's played by Robert Pattinson, and now Voldemort's playing Edward's role in Wuthering Heights, because Edward's character is Heathcliff. I think that Emily Brontë's trying to say someting about vampires.
Bookseller: .... that's 8 pounds.
Customer: For what?
Bookseller: For the book.
Customer: Oh, no, it's OK. I'm going to go and try and find the Voldemort DVD version.